Just this (brief) musing, then I’m off to the beach:
My last couple of posts brought about some discussion about polyamory that I thought I’d expand upon from my own point of view.
First off, let me say this: I do not consider myself poly. I have never loved two people at the same time, and I really don’t think I’m capable of it (but if I am, I know I would be constantly riddled with confusion). Let’s also remember that we often shorten polyamory to just poly, but I think we cut off the more important part of the word. I personally think there’s a difference between an open relationship where partners sleep with other people, but don’t form relationships and relationships which include many other people (and love, or deep feelings).
For some people sex is just sex and they can enjoy it casually in their relationship while taking comfort in going to bed at night with the partner they love. (I’d put myself in that category, honestly.)
For others, love is abundant and they want to share as much as possible (which is how I see polyamory). And really, that’s a beautiful thought. (Not that I agree. I guess I kind of grew up thinking love was limited and you had to work for someone’s love. Thanks Dad.)
I would even venture to say that a healthy, successful poly relationship is really a good model for other relationships. Because think about it, for a poly relationship to work well, there needs to be good communication and compromising among everyone involved. Every relationship can always benefit from better communication and compromising (from parent-child, siblings, and spouses).
But then, there are people who don’t live by a label. And I would put Jefferson there (as I’m sure he would agree). I don’t think it’s fair to compare someones lifestyle against one kind of definition. As Josh commented, there’s more than one way to do poly. And just because 2 people do it differently, doesn’t make one way wrong (though if two people in the same relationship are doing it differently, that may be a problem, lol).
Not that I’m defending the way Jefferson lives his life. Not in the least. I still do think it’s wretched and unhealthy. I’m just saying don’t put it in a category.
But for me, I’ll tell you, when I was with Casi, I had a hell of a time not straying. I mean the boy just wouldn’t have sex with me, and a girl has needs you know!
I thought I did hit the jackpot when I met Jefferson. And I was juggling different dudes in the beginning: Benjamin and Connor, then Gabriel for a bit. Then I fell in love. And at first, fooling around with other guys at orgies was fun, and I was cool with that, but just wasn’t interested in relationships with other guys. Then, it got to in recent months, that I just wasn’t even interested in that.
Because I’m just not poly.
And, um, well, I probably have more to say, but the men are about to start drywalling in a few minutes, and I’m going to head to the beach anyways. (Ugh, bathing suit.) Anyways…
Feel free to share any more thoughts you may have now.
Avah | August 18, 2007
but here’s a hot one of Lorelei Lee:
