Life, Love, Sex

I make it look easy

I scored an apartment for the fall!!

Woo!

And it’s huge and cheap!

I can’t believe how well I scored- and it was the only place I even looked at or asked about!

*Does a little dance*

I’ll only have ONE roommate and I’ll finally have my own bedroom again so I can sleep or diddle or fuck or just walk around naked!!

*Does a bigger dance!*

And another 2 bite the dust

I just lost 2 more cats.

For anyone keeping tabs, that’s 4 since I started this blog. 4 in two years. Blah. That sucks.

My mom had to put down my 2 kitties Lucy and Smokey. Smokey was 17 and started to go downhill real fast. Lucy got sick very quickly this year as well and wasn’t getting better (she was about 11 or so). I’m mad at my mom for not warning me that she might be putting Lucy down.

She always does that. The few times we’ve had to put some animals down for being very old and very sick, she wouldn’t tell me until after. And I would always get mad. You think she’d learn by now!!

So that just leaves one cat- Eli (yes we named him after Eli Manning).

But we’ll probably hunt for a Mainecoon kitten this summer, so that makes me happy.

I’m gonna miss my Lucy and Smokey though :*(

This is Lucy sleeping 2 summers ago:

I don’t have a picture of Smokey

Past and Future- Disconnect

Maybe I’m just feeling contemplative.

I’ve been thinking a bit about my past- high school and some unfinished business from then.

And my future.  My relationships.  Graduating.

I feel very disconnected from a lot of people these days.  Some friendships have fallen to the wayside, as I generally expect to happen.  It’s a little disheartening.  Gia’s gone.  Wendy’s gone.  Noelle have barely spoken this year.  My roommate and I will be parting ways in just 4 weeks.  I don’t anticipate a relationship beyond that.

(These probably aren’t the best posts to write at 3am.  With Mika’s “Any Other World” playing.  Or perhaps it’s the best situation.)

Unfortunately I didn’t get to it until the tail end of my therapy session this week (which have been going well by the way), but I’m starting to feel like there’s something wrong with me.  Or something.

I’ve never been able to keep friendships.  I always just grew apart from people.  I would contact people less and less and neither would they call.  And then I just never felt a need to look back.  Even with my best friends.

My relationship with Jefferson is one of my longest.  A few more months and it’ll bypass my best friend from high school which lasted a little over 2 years I guess.  Except I think I had a friend in grade school for like 3 years.

And even though I’m still attached to Jefferson something’s just changed.  It’s like if he’s not in front of my face he doesn’t exist to me.  I can’t feel it.  I have to constantly remind myself how I feel about him because all I feel is like a distant memory of something.  Like, “Oh yeah, that’s the guy I love so much.  Almost forgot about him.”

I don’t know what that is.

I’ve stopped e-mailing unless I have something really pertinent to say.  Which is fairly infrequent.  Save for scheduling coffee or lunch with him around my therapy I’ve stopped asking for dates.  Partly because I know he’s busy with the moving.

Partly because it just feels so superficial.

But it isn’t, right?

How can I feel such love and happiness when I’m with someone yet feel so disconnected when I’m not?  Wouldn’t that mean that it’s just fake?  And forced?

Can you fall out of love?  I used to think you couldn’t.  That if you stopped loving someone then maybe you never really loved them in the first place.

A part of me still loves Casi.

None of me loves Michael, nor do I believe I ever really did.

But I did fall in love with Jefferson.  A couple times actually.

I don’t understand how it can feel so empty though.  I don’t know what it means.  And if I don’t know what it means does that mean I can’t fix it?  If I can’t fix it will it happen again?

These are the things I think about.  I suppose I worry and obsess too much.  You should’ve seen how upset I would get before I picked a major.  Part of it’s my upbringing I think- a fair amount of time spent in therapy.  My 2 years at boarding school which provoked a lot of internal reflection.  And now I’m back in therapy in order to tackle these things in me.

All I know is I don’t want to be alone.  Maybe I should change it to not wanting to feel alone.  Because there’s not a whole lot worse of a feeling than feeling lonely in a room full of people.  I’ve been there.  It stinks.

Of course at the same time I say I don’t want to be alone, I sit here with these walls heavily guarding me preventing me from any long term, meaningful bonding.

*Sigh*

Quite the predicament I’m in.

I think I must sleep now.

Hodgepodge

I’m having lunch with my father today.  It’ll be the first time I’m seeing him since Christmas ‘06- and we’ve been basically estranged since Sep. ‘06.  We’ve only spoken on the phone a few times when I’ve had to call him about insurance stuff.  The lunch will be fine.  We’ll be polite and cordial.  It’s just going to feel weird having him back in my life.  And I really don’t actually want to hash anything out.  Like, ever.  I pretty much just want to keep him at arms length.  That will be best I think.  The question is now- to show the tattoo, or not to show the tattoo?  Is a nose ring and a tattoo too much in one day?  Lol.

Last night I went to the DSF meeting at Paddles with Jocasta and Zelda.  Lolita was teaching on poly.  She sure does have a lot of great stories to tell!  While sitting through the class, I came up with this pondering- Would I have persued poly if I hadn’t met Jefferson?

And, to also consider- is this how I want to continue?  Obviously my situation frustrates me because even though I care very much for the people in my life, it’s just filled with play partners when we all know I really want a partnership.  A “primary,” if you will.  So will finding a primary partner alleviate my frustration or is poly potentially just not for me in actuality?  Or do I only care because it’s that time of the month and this is generally the only time I really get frustrated about this stuff?

We’re just gonna mull over those ideas for a bit.

After the meeting, while Jocasta was getting her birthday spanking from Lolita, Boymeat showed up and I some how became a punching bag, being volleyed between Boymeat’s fist and Jocasta’s X’s foot.  Then Lolita joined in and I felt like a pinball bouncing around in a game!  And then I started crying.  I was already feeling emotional, and then being hit will really just bring it to the surface.  Not exactly the right time or place, for me, to do that.  But it made me think that a “frustration scene” could be really cathartic for me at this moment in time.

OK, I think that’s all for now.

Yay! France!

I just signed up for 4 weeks in Nice this summer to study abroad!

Wee!!  I’m so excited!

I’m even going to have my own studio apartment while there.  And you know what that means, right?  Having lots of fun with the local French men! 

Only downside is I’ll miss TES-Fest.  :(  But I suppose 4 other events this year should be adequate, right?  (Winter Fire, Shibaricon, Floating World, and Sex Camp for those keeping tabs).

Now I just need to start earning some spending money!  (I kinda used most of my whore money for my camera, Shibaricon, and my credit card…)

Today Was A Good Day!

Ok, so here’s the deal.  I’d really like to write a nice detailed post about the awesome day that was today, but God I’m so tired.

So the good points?

Yay coffee with Jefferson.

Hooray for liking the new therapist!

Score for being cute and my car not getting towed!

Yippee for skipping class and going to TES-TNG meeting (my first TNG meeting actually, lol).

Yum Boymeat in a suit.  (!! I think I have a suit fetish or something…)

Fun eating at diner with kinksters!

But tomorrow will suck as photos are due and I’m preparing myself for the teacher to rip them to shreds.  *Sigh*  Plus I have to be up early- for my 11:30 class.  Bah.  (Truth is I can’t remember the last time I slept past 9:30 because of my roommate always waking me up- grr!)

The Dirty Laundry

I’ve kept this issue to myself the past couple months as I didn’t really want to cause unnecessary drama or feed the gossip mongers or haters.

Maybe I should start with the back story?

Most people know that sometimes I get jealous in my relationship with Jefferson. It’s a normal human emotion, no biggie. Some people know most of this jealousy is directed towards one woman in particular- and it’s been there since almost day 1 since I started seeing him.

It’s for the most part been a quiet jealousy. I’ve occasionally acted out because of it, but it’s something I’ve definitely come to terms with and has gotten even quieter in more recent months. (Not that I don’t still love to bitch about her to anyone that will listen…)

But lately I’ve been getting more and more jealous of someone else. (Who these people are isn’t really important). And it’s really been putting an incredible strain on mine and Jefferson’s relationship. There were a few times these last 3 months where I really didn’t think we were going to make it.

I still have no idea what’s going to happen to us.

Something’s changed between us. And something else needs to change, because I can’t go on the way we are right now. Our relationship is disintegrating before my eyes and I just feel powerless to stop it.

That’s where this new therapist comes in. To give some fresh eyes on the situation.

It’s not just about the jealousy too though. I mean, that’s a big part of it- it’s changing the way we’re talking to each other (and not a good change obviously), and it’s changing the trust between us. Though of course I shouldn’t speak for Jefferson, but I would imagine he doesn’t have the most confidence I can keep my jealousy to myself (read: not act out). And I don’t trust he won’t attack me even when I calmly express my emotions (which I am capable of).

And that’s what happened last week. Ugh, but see, I’ve grown a little and I’m hesitant to put this on the internet now.

Well, let’s come back to it. Maybe the exact details don’t really matter.

But long story short, Thursday morning we were put in crisis mode. It felt like we were over. Like a line had been crossed and I wouldn’t be able to get over it. I felt attacked and even the mere thought of Jefferson repulsed me.

And that’s how I started my weekend at Winter Fire (thank God though he didn’t go). And the only thing I was concerned with was going to the Jealousy in Poly Relationships class. Because I know that with my jealousy this intense, it’s going to destroy our relationship very, very quickly. It’s close to destroying me.

Because, duh, I hate being jealous. I hate feeling this way. It eats away at me inside. It makes me moody and snippy and sad. I cry; I get nauseous. It’s really no picnic.

Anita Wagner, who taught the class, says it’s not about getting rid of jealousy all together, but more about managing it, and resolving issues causing it.

And after telling a bit of my story, she also thinks that there are larger issues between us.

Oh man that was such a hard class for me to sit through. The tears started trickling about as soon as I sat down. Though the real water works started when I talked about what was going on.

I don’t even remember half of it- it all happened so quickly and I was crying and I was just trying my best to take it all in.

I made some nice realizations though. One was that it’s even clearer that what Jefferson does isn’t real poly. He’s just a slut. Not taking into consideration anyone’s feelings.   And it’s nice to know that one day when I get into more serious relationships and want to do poly, I get to have more say in my relationship.

It was also reiterated what the best step is to help move past my jealousy- it’s also a really hard step for me right now that I don’t think I’m ready for. It’s…oh God…to become friendly with these women. Gah. I know.

Because I have no real contact with them it’s just been very easy for me to demonize them. I’ve invested so much into hating them- it’s going to take a bit of work to undo that. Even to the point of just striking up a correspondence (having lunch, as some suggested, is just not in the near future).

Of course all of this is happening at a really crappy time for Jefferson- with the move and everything happening at warped speed. And I’m of course concerned and more than sympathetic with what’s going on. But my feelings are happening too. And I need Jefferson to accept that and be more tolerant.

I know that our relationship is finite- it’s meant to end. But it doesn’t have to end now, and I really don’t want it to end on bad terms, at any point in time.

But if Jefferson and I can’t change the way we communicate with each other and find a way to reconnect, then I really can’t see myself staying. There’s really no point. I have no room for bad relationships in my life.

There’s probably more I could cover, but I’ll have plenty to write about tomorrow after my 1st session.

So until then…

Not in the Cards

First off, in response to how I’m titling this- what a fucking asshole.

I’m debating whether or not to tell the whole story behind that- I don’t want to be dramatic. But let’s just say there are some real insensitive fucks out there.

Before I go off on a rant about how awful the past 4 days have been, I’m going to start with the positives.

I got to go down to DC Thursday night and spend the night with Desire.

My (relatively) new friend Tilda helped me out in a jam and let me stay in her room when I lost mine (though I felt bad she didn’t get the space I knew she wanted). And Match helped calm me down and see my options.

Jocasta tied me up and Zelda flogged me.

Desire and I had an awesome candy scene in the dungeon.

Match had a kick ass orgy in his room.

And I went to some cool classes.

So even though I’m going to trash the weekend and label it essentially a failure, I’m not discounting the good stuff at all.

First rant: apparently pink eye is the new plague.

I realize it’s generally considered pretty contagious- and it’s kind of ewy and gooey, but Christ- it’s just pink eye. You take some eye drops and it’s gone in 3 or 4 days. And gee, if you don’t touch your eye and make sure you wash your hands constantly it’s fairly unlikely you’ll spread it to other people.

Ok, so the story goes I was supposed to room with this woman I didn’t know, but somehow (and I know how) she heard (as did half the fucking attendees) I woke up with pink eye and had someone (she couldn’t have this discussion with me for some reason) call me and tell me she didn’t want to room with me anymore because I had pink eye.

I wasn’t aware we’d be sharing eye liner (we certainly weren’t going to be sharing spit). I thought we’d just be sharing a room (where’d I’d have my own bed).

(And mind you I actually only ended up forcing myself to DC because I thought I had a commitment to my roommate to share the room. Silly me being considerate.)

Of course I heard this at 2pm on Friday afternoon just as I was parking my car and heading over to register. So I freaked. They were offering me the room (she would go somewhere else) but I didn’t know how I’d be able to find someone to split the cost of the room with me on such short notice and I didn’t think I could really afford it on my own.

So I went to registration and just after I walked in, Match followed, and thank God. I ran over to hug him and as he was asking how I was I burst into tears about my room (mind you I had already spent Thursday morning crying over the nasty exchange I’d had, which I will get to a some point). He helped calm me down a bit and then after we checked in, we went to his room and he helped me see my options and make a decision.

I realized that I could afford 2 nights at the hotel on my own, it was only an extra $60 or so. Once I came to that conclusion I called the people back to let them know I would take the room on my own. It went to voice mail though. But no biggie. I just told them to call me when they arrived so we could put the room on my credit card.

So while I was waiting for them, I went to Rita Seagrave’s Domination for Non-alphas. Let me just plug that for a moment- very fun class. And if you’re not familiar with Rita, let me just gush about how freaking hot she is. I already have a thing for red headed girls. But the whole class I couldn’t stop staring at her ass, lol. And when she’d sit on the table her skirt would ride up a little bit and the tops of her stocking would show. *Groan* Plus I just really like her presence. She’d come near by to hear someone’s question and it was just a nice vibe having her in the vicinity. So yeah.

Ok then, back to the rant. At the tail end of class, the people called me, but I let it go to voice mail since there were only 5 more minutes left.

When I heard the message in a few minutes I learned that they had given my room away because they thought I hadn’t gotten back to them. I dropped the phone and started crying again. Because here I was in DC without a room.

Jocasta took over for me and found Tilda and asked if I could room with her since she was by herself and thankfully she said yes.

Meanwhile I listened to the end of the message.

What a fucking fuck tard. I don’t even know who the person was, but what a serious asshole. Apparently having a place to stay just “wasn’t in the cards” and that being contagious wasn’t fair to everyone else.

All this just after telling me I no longer had a place to stay.

Man they were fucking lucky I’m actually a very non-confrontational person. As much as I bitch and moan here, the meanest thing I’ll do to someone in person is just give them the evil eye. And you best believe I gave that woman the evil eye every time I saw her.

After that whole ordeal I headed straight to the bar and sucked down 2 gin and tonics. I don’t usually turning to substances to relieve problems, but it was really the only way to save the night. Alcohol makes me happy. I mean that it makes me giggly and silly, so yeah, it helped. It was also fun sitting with Lynsey and Tilda and make up a funny story about this sullen looking family sitting in the lobby.

We surmised the daughter found the father’s porn (gay porn actually) and the mother just found out.

Thankfully the rest of Friday went well. A good time was had by all in the dungeon and it was a fairly early night, heading to bed at 1.

Saturday was good during the day.  Went to some classes which I think I’ll talk about briefly.  I enjoyed another one of Sarah Sloane’s classes.  I went to a class on humiliation at summer camp and this time I went to her Driven to Tears: Playing on the Edge class.  It was a lot to do with like cathartic play or ordeal path.  Damn if I didn’t start jonesing for a cathartic play scene.  Still am.  And I will probably ask for one soon, but I think first I need to do some processing on my own.

After that I went to Barbara Carellas’s Erotic Breathwork class which I had really been looking forward to because I had wanted to go when she did it a CV in the fall, but I ended up being late and couldn’t go because of certain things going wrong.  Unfortunately it wasn’t a good weekend for me- I was just too blocked.  So it didn’t have an effect on me, but I’ll file away what I learned and hopefully can put it to use in the future.

After we had a nice lunch with Me, Jocasta, Desire, and Prince (a super great guy I met at camp) and a fun sitz bath social too back at my room (long story I’ll tell if I’m told it’s ok).   I also got to buzz Desire’s hair into a mohawk- which looks super cute and she decided it’s subtle enough she can probably get away with it at work so she’ll keep it!

I missed the petting zoo because I went to the last class of the day, Dossie Easton’s Bottomless Pits: Topping serious pain sluts.  What a great class.  I’d never heard Dossie speak before, but wow, what a great presenter.  I’m definitely going to make a point to attend more of her classes in the future.  Poor Jocasta was exhausted and fell asleep a bit (even snoring a little, lol).

I started jonesing again this time for a heavy intense scene.  I consider myself somewhat of a bottomless pit (though some days there is a bottom), but I’ve never really had the opportunity to really test my endurance.  Dossie mentioned a relay scene (meaning there were a few tops there) that lasted for over 7 hours!  7 hours of being beat up.  That’s for sure the forever place she mentions.  Someday I’ll have to plan a huge block of time where I can try going there (maybe not 7 hours, but a couple hours at least).

Then demoed on Barbara caning her and spanking her.  Turns out I’m not the only one who laughs when they’re getting hit!  It was a really fun scene to watch though.  But man if I didn’t want a serious beating myself.

I was exhausted at that point and retreated to my room to try and nap so I could function better that evening.  I sort of slept- for a few minutes.   But I ended up getting hysterical again.  Exhaustion pushes me over the edge very easily.

Here I’m going to get very raw and very honest- the one thing people constantly praise my blog for.

I was in an intense amount of emotional agony.  The distress from Thursday and Friday just bubbled up and I couldn’t push it aside.  I started crying and as I started to cry harder I told myself that it was ok to cry and that I should just let it out and then I would feel better.  Except I wasn’t really feeing better.  I just kept crying.  And I was getting more and more anxious.  I couldn’t sit still and started to walk around the room, needing to do something with myself.

I wanted to cut.  I wanted to see my blood- I knew that would help calm and sedate me.  But I didn’t have any razors and I’m very particular about how I cut.  Plus, I mean, I didn’t really want to resort to that in the middle of Winter Fire.

So I grabbed for the next best thing- my left over Percocets.  I broke it in half (after a classmate mentioned this) so it would hit me faster.  And I swallowed my tears and let myself be numb.

Being numb isn’t good, but sometimes you need to do it for a little bit to just function.

At this point most people were at the banquet and a bunch of the sex bloggers that didn’t go to the banquet went out for Chinese, but I knew Match wasn’t at either so I texted him to see what he was up to.  He was about to grab a bite with 2 of his female friends and invited me.  Finally calmed down, I dressed and went to be social.

I’d go nuts if I stayed in that room any longer.

We just grabbed a bite at the hotel restaurant, but it was fun.  I like the 2 girls so it’s good.  The one also brought a cute little submissive boy who was actually kinda cool.  One of the coolest 19 year old boys I’ve been around in a long time.

Desire met me in Match’s room after she got out of the banquet and we grabbed our candy to do our scene.

We found a nice open space in the dungeon and I laid down one of those mess pads so we didn’t get candy all in the rug.  We went all out for this.  We’d thought of everything.  We had a candy necklace to bind Desire’s hands.  A big pacifier as a sort of gag.  Big round lollipops to spank with.  A long slender swizzle lollipop to fuck with.  A huge jawbreaker to kinda punch with.  We had a lot of fun and even got pictures taken by Hypnox, the event photographer.  It was definitely awesome pouring pixi stix powder on her and licking it off.

I wasn’t the only one who thought that too.  Prince was near by watching with a new friend of his, Christian- a totally hot FTM guy, and I had invited them to eat some sugar off her, but they did it gangster style sucking it up through a rolled up bill.

And then Christian asked if Desire would mind if he did a line off her back.  She didn’t so after showering off, we met him and Prince back at Christian’s room.  We crowded into the bathroom because roommates were around.  Desire took her shirt off and leaned over as Christian started to pour a line.  He asked me if I wanted.

And I debated whether or not to tell this story, but I am, so here it goes.

Yeah, I did want.  I’d never done it before, but I wanted to try it.  So he cut me a little line and showed me what to do and I did my thing and was kinda surprised that it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.  I did one more line a little bit later before we all went up to Match’s orgy and I was happy that I was now more awake.

My thoughts on the drug?  It was good.  It wasn’t so amazing that I feel a need to rush out and start doing it on my own, but I’ll probably do it the next time it’s around (which probably won’t be for another 2 years because that was the last time I was around it).

Match’s orgy was of course awesome.  There were so many people and there was so much fucking and action.  Match and I fooled around a bit when I first got there which was nice.  And I got to kiss a bit with this girl Flouer that was staying with him.  Squee.

The hottest thing though was watching Prince and Christian go at it.  It was so mother fucking hot.  They were all over each other and then Christian got his strap-on and was fucking Prince and it so awesome.  Prince was spewing out Spanish and shit.

I started really fading at 4am though (so early, I know!) and had to get to bed.  Though I lost my key and had to get let back into my room (as I was traipsing through the lobby in my lingerie- whoops).

Sunday morning I was ready to go home.  I just woke up and was ready to go.  But I had 1 more class that I had to attend.  The Jealousy in Poly Relationships class.  But it wasn’t until the last one of the day unfortunately.

First I went to a Kinky Barbershop class which was really fun.  (Anyone willing to let me learn how to use a straight razor on them??  Lol.)

And then it was finally time for the class.  In hindsight, I don’t know why I didn’t bring tissues with me.

I think I’ll write about what happened in the class in a separate post because that’s just a whole ‘nother issue.  But I will say it was really great to be able to share my story with other poly people who can understand what’s happening and not judge my relationship choices.

After the class I packed my stuff up and headed home.

Now I’m exhausted because even though I purposefully skipped my 8:30 class I was still woken up by my roommate at 8am (who by the way is still laying in bed with her boyfriend).  This roommate situation is really getting to me.

So there was my weekend.

It wasn’t the magical time I had at camp- not by a long shot.

But thank God for my friends.  I don’t know what I would have done without you guys.  I love you!

Almost Time!

So I’m chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool at Desire’s place while she’s off at work for the moment. (I know, work on Good Friday?? I’m a Jew and I understand the dumbness of that!)

I was up early yesterday and then to bed early and up early again today. I already managed a nice hot shower and some snuggles with the cat. I figure I’ll do my hair at some point and eat my leftovers from last night before heading over to the hotel. It’s nice only being 15 minutes away instead of 4 hours…

Can I talk for a minute about my morning yesterday? It was a rotten, awful morning. First I woke up at 7am because my roommate’s new boyfriend was leaving and I woke up, but I was less cranky about it than usual for some reason. I dunno. That wasn’t the bad part though. The bad part came when I looked in the mirror a little while later and saw my eye was pink. Wait- extra crusties that morning and a hot gooey feeling in my eye? D’oh! Pink eye!

I was annoyed to say the least. Pink eye the day before Winter Fire! Luckily I woke up so early because I was able to hop over to the school health center and get some antibiotic eye drops!

Then shortly after that I got into a nasty tete-a-tete (I wish I knew how to do accents on a Mac- too lazy to find out) with someone that left a nasty taste in my mouth. It was really quite…traumatizing. Let’s just say, it’s the next day (at only 11am) and I really wish I was wasted. Or high. Maybe both.

Because it was the last thing I needed before Winter Fire (as my head has just barely been in the weekend) so the only way to really get on quite quickly was to numb myself to it. It’s the only way I’m able to function (read: leave my bed).

I’m also thinking that maybe there isn’t a Beatles song for everything.

Originally I thought of posting this video (We Can Work it Out), but how I really feel is more along the lines of this:

So seriously- me drunk now please.

Longing for Yesterday

I think a lot of situations in life can be expressed in Beatles songs.

You know I heart Jason, but a lot of those performances were atrocious this week, yes including his. But Syesha just did a phenomenal job with “Yesterday.”

Her version is what I’m really connecting with right now- as I really wish I could go back to yesterday.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

“Don’t Let me Down” is after the cut…
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