Life, Love, Sex

The Body Issues Post

Putting the negativity behind the cut…

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Craiglist and the Poundage

Keep your fingers crossed for me that I get some hits from my newest CL post.  I’m searching for a workout buddy who goes to my gym.  I hope it’s not a long shot.  I really hate going to the gym by myself.  It’s just so boring.  Knowing I have plans with someone there is much more likely to get my butt there.  And if we have a good time together, well, that’s guaranteed I’ll go!

I’d actually prefer if I found a guy because they tend to bring out the competitive side in me.  And I’d prefer that over having a girlfriend I chat about latest celebrity gossip with.

Why am I focused on going back to the gym?  Because due to finals and Christmas I put on 12 pounds.  12 pounds!!!  12 freaking pounds in a little more than 3 weeks!  I mean, I knew I’d put on some weight based on the fact my jeans were a little snugger, but I was dumbfounded when I stepped on the scale the other day.  I mean, Christ!  Do you know how long it’s going to take me now to lose those 12 pounds??

Longer than 3 weeks, I can tell you that!!

I won’t lie- I’m a little disgusted.  I haven’t been this heavy since my freshman year of high school.  And that’s when I was losing weight.  It’s a little worse because when I was home I found some naughty pictures I had taken (maybe I’ll tell that story when I finally get the desire to write).  Damn I was pretty thin then.  Well, not terribly thin, but it feels a lot thinner than now.

It’s actually a little funny, but I have the same basic shape as I did then, it was just narrower when I was 18.

Until I can get my ass back into the gym, I’m at least working on controlling my eating.  Sugar is my biggest downfall.  And that’s what I lived off of the past month.  So I went food shopping and I bought healthier food- fruit, rice crispies, cold cuts.  (Side note- I don’t do “healthy.”  I swear I wouldn’t eat chocolate if it were considered a health food.  Nor am I dieting- dieting requires I eat small amounts of food that I don’t really like.  And that’ll never last.)

Oy.  I hate losing weight.  It’s so difficult.  It’s the maintaining the discipline that’s hard for me.  I always seem to lose motivation after a few weeks.  I’d like to make it stick at least long enough to get rid of this 12 pounds I packed on!  God, that’s like 2 months of work just for 3 weeks of splurging.

*Proceeds to bang head on desk*

Note:  So far 3 responses to my ad! Wee!  In just the first hour!

Oh..oh…oh! My orgasm- A User’s Guide.

I decided to take a moment to talk about my orgasm, which actually wasn’t even on my long list of considerations of what to write about next.

Why am I writing about my orgasm? Well, for one, it’s awesome. Not just for me either. But it’s awesome for other people too. People get off on me cuming, which gets me off, and there we just have a delicious cycle.

Also because maybe readers might be curious what it’s really like. I write about how I cum loud and hard and such, but, really, what does that mean?

(It’s also a slight refresher course for any of my lovers who may or may not know what it looks like when I’m cuming.)

Let’s start with the build up. Everything up until the big moment.

I like foreplay. Because I need to warm up before I can cum, in a purely physiological sense. Literally, I need to get the blood pumping down there. This is the state of arousal. I start to get hot, and I would assume I get flush (though I couldn’t accurately say). If I’m enjoying it, my breathing will increase, my face will be relaxed (eyes closed often) and I’ll probably be moaning in some way.

The closer to orgasm, the louder I get. If I’m kinda quiet, I’m either just far away (like we just started, or I just came and we’re starting again), or we’re fucking (or doing whatever) at a low intensity. As long as I’m not grimacing, it’s all good.

An exception to the quiet rule is if I’m being all loud and we’re really hot and heavy and all of a sudden I go silent.  What’s happening is I’m holding my breath because I’m right there and sometimes I need to concentrate to get over the edge. If this happens- DO NOT STOP. Fuck me harder if you can.

Aside from sound, which is really the biggest indication of my impending orgasm (and the orgasm for that matter), there are some physical signs you can look for: curling toes. Like seriously. I get cramps in them sometimes because I’ll scrunch them so tight.

Stiffer muscles as I start to tense up.

If you’re in me, you may feel me clamp down. Contrary to popular belief, this initial clamping isn’t the actual event. It’s a precursor.

Depending on my mood I may or may not rub my clit. Don’t rely on this as a sign though. Sometimes I do it just cause it feels nice. Hehe.

I may or may not sweat as well. I don’t usually.

But here we are, I’m moaning, my skin is flush, I’m breathing heavy, my hands are gripping the sheets as I tense up, and I probably have a look of concentration on my face as I’m reaching for it- I’m right fucking there.

And here is a important piece of advice for you- do not stop what ever it is you are doing. Do not change anything about it. I hesitate to advise going faster/harder. The change of rhythm can sometimes fuck it up. But you could: pinch my nipples, squeeze my neck, slap me, pull my hair (if the moment inspires such actions). But only do it if you don’t have to change anything! Don’t change the speed, don’t change the angle- nothing!

And all of this brings us to the big moment. What we’ve been waiting the past possible 5-15 minutes for.  My orgasm

What it looks like?  A change in my vocals. It’s often louder, but it’s also slightly different, something picked up on with repetition. But it’s usually a mixture of more gutteral sounds (groans) as well as higher pitched moans. Expletives might make their way out as well (Fuck and God are the main ones).

And now is when I’ll really start to squirm. I like to arch my back. It’s like muscle memory for me. If I can’t arch my back properly, my orgasm isn’t always quite as satisfying (one reason I prefer not to cum when I’m standing).

I’ll either clutch at the bed or you, which ever is with in reach. I apologize if my nails dig into you.

If you’re in me, you may feel me clench down harder, and in a sort of pulsating way. Bingo, that’s the spot.

Here’s another tip- if you can, for the love of God, keep going! Unless I’m kicking you off, it would be wise for you to continue what ever delicious thing it is you’re doing to me. For one, you’re less likely to stunt my orgasm. Instead you can prolong it! And, if you keep going long enough, you can get me to cum again!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am known to be quite multi-orgasmic.

Let me bring up the g-spot clause at this point- things work slightly different when we’re dealing with my g-spot. The time line is more condensed and the signs are generally more intense.

Probably the number one key point to know is g-spot=loud. Plain and simple. From the first moment your finger or dick or whatever hits it, I’m going to be letting you know just how much I’m enjoying it (hint: it’s a lot!). With g-spot stimulation, it could take as little as 5 minutes to get me to orgasm. Hot, right?

Another key point is to absolutely keep going. It’s more of a necessity than a suggestion, here, as opposed to non g-spot play.  I’m likely to be a little bummed if you stop after the first one.

A second clause to consider is the fisting clause. Because that’s happening a lot more for me these days. Yay!

When you’re fist is fully in me (and this is easier for girls, or smaller handed people in general), I may tell you to twist it to hit my g-spot. This is just the ultimate of ecstasy for me. All that is needed is a gentle “knocking” motion and you’re really good to go. I’m probably going to be pretty vocal through this. Maybe a little quiet in the beginning as I adjust to the feeling, but after that it’s advisable to keep a pillow near by. Just in case. Because it’s quite likely I’m going to scream as I cum. And I mean that in the purest sense of the word.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If I’m face down, I usually aim to scream into the bed. But if I’m face up, I might need a little assistance. A hand works well usually. So, if disturbing neighbors is a concern, take note!

It’s important that you follow any direction I give you during fisting.  Generally, that big screaming orgasm is all I can do, so I’m probably going to want to hop off your hand when I’m done.  If I’m saying let’s keep going though, and I haven’t crushed your hand (sorry Wendy!), by all means, keep going!

The third clause to take note of is the anal orgasm clause.

Chances are high that I’ll be fingering my clit to get me off.

Chances are even better that once I cum, I’m gonna want you out of my ass.

There you are, folks.  A user’s guide to my orgasm.  Use it to your (and ultimately mine) advantage!

15 Things

Rules:

1) List 15 things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2) Don’t say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.

—–

1) I don’t make friends that easily, so it just really sucks when you spend all your time with him and other friends and never any time with me. And no, I don’t like being a 3rd wheel.

2) I worry about how much you drink. And I hate it too.

3) I think you give crappy and totally off point advice and I get annoyed listening to it.

4) You’re not a very good big sister.

5) I hated how much you lied to me. And I hated that I loved you still.

6) You were such a jerk to me. And I was so naive to let you abuse me the way you did.

7) We were best friends, and I loved you so much, but you just became so ugly. I don’t know how to be friends with you again.

8. I’m glad I have my step-dad to make up for your short-comings.

9) Stop judging me. Stop criticizing me. Stop talking about me behind my back. And stop trying to control me. Haven’t you done enough damage??

10) It was obvious you didn’t respect me. Maybe it’s my own fault for sleeping with you so quickly. But that’s why I stopped talking to you.

11) I don’t like sleeping with you. And I find you annoying. I always have. I just use you to get things I want.

12) I had fun hanging out with you and want to do again.  But, uh, I kinda would like to fuck too.

13) Part of me wants to be more like you when I get older, but then part of me is afraid of becoming like you.

14) Sometimes I think it’s sad the way you live your life.

15) I doubt what you say to me more than you think.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I’ve thought about calling you lately, but I haven’t wanted to. And the plain and simple truth of why is because I don’t trust you. I don’t like telling you what’s going on in my life because I don’t trust you won’t judge me, criticize me, use what I say against me, or talk about me behind my back. I’ve been so much more relaxed these past 7 months because I haven’t been filled with the anxiety that comes when I talk to you or visit with you. I don’t feel the need to constantly be on the defense.

And it’s not just you. It’s D and J too. All my life I’ve never felt good enough, thin enough, smart enough for any of you. I’ve never felt supported or accepted. And that’s why I got so mad about your decision about France. Money issues aside, it really upset me you couldn’t at least support my decision to do something really cool and exciting. An opportunity that only comes once in a life time. Let me also mention I’ve been wanting to study abroad since I was little, so it really shouldn’t have been a shock.

I know a lot of parents raise kids with expectations of what they want them to be, but it’s not my obligation to fill those expectations.

You can’t raise me the same as D and J. It’s a different time, and I’m a different person. College is going to make me more than 4 years. I’m not slacking off because I take only 12 credits. I know I can’t handle 15. And I’m finally serious about being an art major. Emerson and I don’t get along so well, but me and Cezanne, we’re pals.

I know you’re my dad, but I don’t know how to have a relationship with you. I can’t if I don’t trust you, and I don’t know that I ever will. History just shows I can’t count on you to support me. So, I don’t know where to go from here.

But if you want to write me back, here’s my address at school….

-Avah

Question #5

What is your favorite tattoo or piercing that you currently have? What addition to your “collection” do you want most? What will be next (even if it’s not the one you want the most!)?

Ooh- great question! Well so far I have my 2 piercings (nose and hood) and my 2 tattoos and I love all of them. But I’d say my cherry blossom tattoo is my favorite because of how sexy it makes me feel and how many compliments I get.

I think I’m done with piercings though. I like the look of little barbells through nipples, but I just don’t think I’m going to ever be able to go through with it. I just get so psyched out by piercings, and that really psyches me out.

As of right now there are 3 tattoos that I’m contemplating.

I’m thinking about a shooting star design on my left inner forearm, similar to this design —>,

with coloring similar to this —>

I like the blue haze, but I would probably get it in yellow with different colored stars (them not all being the same color)

My only hesitation is my wondering if I’m going to want stars on me when I’m 50.

On my right inner forearm I’m contemplating something more abstract. I’ve also considered that fairy I saw at the place where I got my 2 tattoos done.

But if not the fairy, then something along the lines of this:

But obviously made to fit my arm. I’ve also thought about if I want it to curve around my wrist onto the back of my hand too.

I can only get the ones on my arms though if I can find someone who knows how to tattoo over scars.

The 3rd place I want a tattoo is along the side of my right breast, like this picture, but not that tattoo.

God I really want to suck that nipple though.

Sorry. Anyways.

I don’t want it to go up my shoulder though, and I’d want it to extend a bit down my ribs (ouch, I know), and that’s easier to do with my itty bitty bussoms.

I’d probably get that abstract one that’s on the foot if I don’t get it on my arm. Otherwise I’m not so sure.

Ooh! I just thought of a 4th one. I want a tiny little heart on my left hand by the crook of my thumb and forefinger.

That might be the one I get next because I can’t really afford anything nicer for awhile. Plus I want to ease myself into ultra visible tattoos. And ease my parents into it too, lol.

But those are my ideas for right now, we’ll see if I come up with any more.

50 Q’s

1. What’s your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
It’s good for who it’s good for.

2. Do you bite your toenails?
First of all, that’s gross. Second of all, yeah, I can’t get my feet up there anyways.

3. Were you a “planned” child?

Absolutely. My dad had to get his vasectomy reversed in fact!

4. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Anything that hides the taste of the alcohol (but should have top shelf stuff in it, lol)

5. What song lyric, if any, is stuck in your head at the moment?

“Cause our lips can touch, and our cheeks can brush”

6. What would you rather be doing right now?

Being naked in bed with Jefferson

7. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Umm, wow, this is hard. If I had to pick one, I’d say Chocolate Chip Cookie dough, but mint chocolate chip would probably be 2nd

8. If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest what would you do/say?

Sorry, I’m seeing someone.

9. Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call but never do?

HATE IT!!! Especially when it’s my own fucking family!

10. What books, if any, have made you cry?
Snow in August, um…I dunno if any others did.

11. If you could have sex anywhere, where would it be?
On the subway, hehe Or in France

12. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?

Dear God, like I know?

13. What’s your favorite TV show, now or in the past?

Friends, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Will and Grace, Numbers…

14. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?

Depends. I may get along better with guys.

15. Can others make you cry easily?

Not really. I’m usually a private crier.

16. Who was the last person to piss you off?

Roommates.

17. What’s a personality characteristic that you have that most people don’t see?

I’m really kind of obsessive.

18. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?

When I’m dieting. But I kinda already know the calorie content of everything.

19. Do you have a crush on anyone on My Space?

Um, well, I guess, she is on MySpace and all…but I know her in real life.

20. Are you a jealous person?

No, but I do get jealous.

21. What the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?

Dude, I was at this party, and I ate this girl out, fucked her with a strap on, got tied up, she fisted me, this dude fucked me freaking hard, then I turned over and the girl whipped me, then my lover whipped me, then I got fucked some more, by who knows who, all with a butt plug up my ass, and then there was this other dude too who was eating me out sometimes.

Kinky enough? lol

22. What’s the worst characteristic you could find in someone you were interested in dating?

I HATE LIARS!!

23. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

Like 8.

24. What are you allergic to?
Nada.

25. When was the last time you slept on the floor?

Dude- not a floor person.

26. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?

Kinda- they weren’t ugly per se, but after I stopped being “in love” with him, I realized he wasn’t as cute as I thought he was

27. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
Confidence.

28. Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes?

Eh. It’s good to be going somewhere different. If I ever got to fly 1st class maybe it wouldn’t suck so much.

29.Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

Probably not. A few is fine, but covered? No.

30. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?

No.

31. What do you consider sexy?

Intelligence, wit, good style, confidence

32. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

I want to get my nose pierced and another tattoo.

33. Which do you make: wishes or plans?

Wishes

34. Can you speak any languages other than English?

No, unfortunately

35. What is your favorite salad dressing?

1,000 Island/Russian

36. What movies do you know every line to?

I used to really know Princess Bride

37. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?

no

38. Has anyone told you a secret this week?

This week? Um, not that I can think of.

39. When was the last time someone hit on you?

Um, I kinda thought the guy who sold me my gym membership was, but maybe he was just selling me my gym membership, lol. But other than that, probably when I was with Gia.

40. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?

Both- I kinda wish I was in more pictures with my friends.

41. Do you regret having sex with anyone?

Yes. But I’ve raised my standards since then, so I guess that’s good.

43. How many siblings do you have, and where are you in the rank?

Youngest of a hodge-podge of 6 brothers and sisters

44. What’s your ideal date?

Well, since you didn’t say first date, I’m gonna go as I was with someone for awhile. I think it’d be fun if we went into the city to some kind of fancy gallery opening and we’re dressed all fancy, maybe even black tie, sipping champagne and eating fancy finger food chit chatting about the realist movement (or whatever), then walking together to a nice restaurant and having a lovely meal together. Then going back home and having really awesome sex.

45. When was your last road trip?

I don’t really do road trips. Hate being in a car for too long.

46. Name 3 schools you went to:

Um, we’ll skip this one.

47. Name 3 things in your purse/backpack:

Wallet, lipsticks, reciepts

48. Three names you go by:

I really don’t think I have 3 different names.

49. Is anyone in the house with you?

Yeah, I’m at school and my roommates are here.

50. Who are you thinking about right now?

That I wish I was tired since I have early classes tomorrow.

Tagged

Ok, well I got tagged to list 6 weird things about me.

I’ll try and come up with as many as I can.

And I’m not tagging anyone else. Lol.

Ok.
1. I have this freakish aversion to porcelin (ie: bathtubs and sink, can also be that new fiberglass material), specifially old and/or dirty ones. I don’t like touching the inside of sinks and I don’t like standing in the shower after the water’s turned off, freaks me the fuck out!

2. I don’t like feet. Boy’s feet really. I get grossed out when they touch me.

3. Diamonds make me salvate. Literally salvate.

And that’s enough for now… I think it’s time for bed since I have a horrifyingly full day tomorrow.

Spanking/BDSM Survey

Have you ever…

1. Posted to a spanking/BDSM newsgroup/bulletin board/mailing list? Yes

2. Bought/downloaded spanking/BDSM pictures? Yes

3. Bought/downloaded spanking/BDSM magazines or literature? Yes

4. Been in a spanking/BDSM chat room? Yes

5. Bought spanking/BDSM-related books in a real bookstore? Yes

6. Written a spanking/BDSM story? Yes

7. Looked up the word “spank” or other BDSM term in the dictionary? Yes

8. Bought/watched a spanking/BDSM video? Yes

9. Cyber-spanked someone or been cyber-spanked? No

1o. Watched someone else get spanked in real life? Yes

11. Been to a fetish shop? Yes

12. Purchased toys specifically for spanking? Yes

13. Made your own spanking toys? No

14. Spent more than $100 on a single spanking toy? Yes

15. Owned 10 or more spanking toys? No (not yet at least, lol)

16. Had a spanking fantasy while masturbating? Yes

17. Had a spanking fantasy about a real life spanking you’d seen/read about? Yes

18. Had a spanking fantasy while having sex? Yes

19. Spanked/been spanked while touching intimately? Yes

20. Spanked/been spanked during sex? Yes

21. Had an orgasm while spanking/being spanked? No

22. Spanked/been spanked with no specifically sexual overtones whatsoever? No

23. Spanked/been spanked on the bare bottom? Yes

24. Spanked/been spanked for more than 10 minutes? Yes

25. Spanked/been spanked for more than an hour? No

26. Been involved in a situation where if something went wrong, the only means to stop the scene was a safeword? Yes

27. Used your safeword/ had someone use their safeword? No

28. Spanked/been spanked where there was no safeword? Yes

Spanked/been spanked with:

29. A hand? Yes

30. Paddle? Yes

31. Hairbrush? No

32. Ruler? No

33. Spoon? Yes

34. Cane? Yes

35. Switch/birch? No

36. Crop? Yes

37. Belt/strap? Yes

38. Flogger/whip? Yes

39. Implement with holes? No, don’t think so

40. Ordinary object not intended for spanking, such as a remote control or shoe? No

Have you ever…

41. Broken a toy (over someone’s bottom) during spanking play? No

42. Switched? (been spanked if you are primarily a top, or spanked someone if you are primarily a bottom) Yes

43. Spanked/been spanked on the back of the thighs? Yes

44. Spanked/been spanked on the front of/inside of the thighs? No

45. Spanked/been spanked on the breasts/genitals? No

46. Wet your/your partner’s bottom to make it sting more? No

47. Spanked/been spanked outside? No

48. Spanked/been spanked in a hotel? Yes

49. Spanked/been spanked in a car? No

50. Spanked/been spanked in a bath, shower or hot tub? No

51. Made someone do something/been made to do something they/you did not want to do? No

52. Punished someone/been punished for not doing something correctly or refusing to do something in a scene? Yes

53. Punished someone/been punished for a real life issue? No

54. Used spanking “talk”? (i.e. “You’ve been very naughty,” “I’ll be good.” etc.) No

55. Been involved in the acting out of a roleplay fantasy? Yes

56. Been involved in the acting out of an ageplay fantasy? No

57. Asked for/been asked for a spanking? Yes

58. Made someone/been made to count the spanks? Yes

59. Made someone stand/stood in the corner? No

60. Made someone stand/stood in the corner for more than 5 minutes? No

61. Been provoked/provoked someone into spanking you by acting like a brat? Yes

62. Deliberately disobeyed/had someone deliberately disobey, in order to get spanked? No

63. Kept a list of “infractions” to spank/be spanked for later? No

64. Spanked yourself? No

65. Spanked yourself at the instruction of someone else/instructed someone to spank him/herself? Yes

66. Required someone to/been required to call someone Sir/Ma’am/Master/Mistress/Mommy/Daddy/some-other-variation during spanking play? Yes

67. Met someone specifically for spanking play? Yes

68. Travelled more than 100 miles to spank/be spanked? Possibly, or close to it

69. Placed/answered a spanking personal? Yes

70. Gone to a play party or club? No

71. Participated in play with someone at a play party or club? No

72. Spanked/been spanked by someone whose name you didn’t know? No

73. Paid or been paid to spank someone? No

74. Been involved in a spanking scene with more than one person at a time? Yes

75. Spanked/been spanked by both men and women? (not necessarily at the same time)? Yes

76. Spanked/been spanked on a spanking horse or someother piece of furniture specifically designed for spanking? No

77. Made videotapes of your spanking play? Yes

78. Taken pictures of/had your partner take pictures of you during or after spanking play? Yes

79. Admired your/your partner’s bottom in the mirror after a spanking? Yes

80. Spanked someone/been spanked nude? Yes

81. Bought new underwear specifically for spanking play? No

82. Worn fetish clothing (schoolgirl outfit, leather, etc?) Yes

83. Worn fetish clothing in public? No

84. Spanked/been spanked so that the spankee had trouble sitting afterward? Yes

85. Spanked/been spanked so that the spankee had trouble sitting the next day? Yes

86. Spanked/been spanked so there were marks/bruises showing? Yes

87. Spanked/been spanked so there were marks/bruises showing for more than a day? Yes

88. Had to explain your marks to a vanilla person? No

Been involved with any of the following in connection with spanking play?

89. Restraint (ie. holding someone down, trapping their legs, etc.)? Yes

90. Restraint with ropes, cuffs, scarves or other bondage toys? Yes

91. Blindfolds? Yes

92. Gags? Yes

93. Nipple clamps/clothespins? Yes

94. Icy hot or some other heat-enhancing cream? No

95. Ginger root or some other burning/stinging substance inserted anally? No

96. A butt plug, dildo or vibrator? Yes

97.Mouthsoaping? No

98. Enemas? No

99. Temperature taking? No

100. Cried/made someone cry from a spanking? No

Kinky Bastard

Only 86%?? Lol

Kinky bastard! Grats! You’re 86% kinky!

Well well well, you kinky bastard! Most likely you’re into some weird shit, which is always great. Consider mailing the author of this test, and keep up the good work