Life, Love, Sex

Not in the Cards

First off, in response to how I’m titling this- what a fucking asshole.

I’m debating whether or not to tell the whole story behind that- I don’t want to be dramatic. But let’s just say there are some real insensitive fucks out there.

Before I go off on a rant about how awful the past 4 days have been, I’m going to start with the positives.

I got to go down to DC Thursday night and spend the night with Desire.

My (relatively) new friend Tilda helped me out in a jam and let me stay in her room when I lost mine (though I felt bad she didn’t get the space I knew she wanted). And Match helped calm me down and see my options.

Jocasta tied me up and Zelda flogged me.

Desire and I had an awesome candy scene in the dungeon.

Match had a kick ass orgy in his room.

And I went to some cool classes.

So even though I’m going to trash the weekend and label it essentially a failure, I’m not discounting the good stuff at all.

First rant: apparently pink eye is the new plague.

I realize it’s generally considered pretty contagious- and it’s kind of ewy and gooey, but Christ- it’s just pink eye. You take some eye drops and it’s gone in 3 or 4 days. And gee, if you don’t touch your eye and make sure you wash your hands constantly it’s fairly unlikely you’ll spread it to other people.

Ok, so the story goes I was supposed to room with this woman I didn’t know, but somehow (and I know how) she heard (as did half the fucking attendees) I woke up with pink eye and had someone (she couldn’t have this discussion with me for some reason) call me and tell me she didn’t want to room with me anymore because I had pink eye.

I wasn’t aware we’d be sharing eye liner (we certainly weren’t going to be sharing spit). I thought we’d just be sharing a room (where’d I’d have my own bed).

(And mind you I actually only ended up forcing myself to DC because I thought I had a commitment to my roommate to share the room. Silly me being considerate.)

Of course I heard this at 2pm on Friday afternoon just as I was parking my car and heading over to register. So I freaked. They were offering me the room (she would go somewhere else) but I didn’t know how I’d be able to find someone to split the cost of the room with me on such short notice and I didn’t think I could really afford it on my own.

So I went to registration and just after I walked in, Match followed, and thank God. I ran over to hug him and as he was asking how I was I burst into tears about my room (mind you I had already spent Thursday morning crying over the nasty exchange I’d had, which I will get to a some point). He helped calm me down a bit and then after we checked in, we went to his room and he helped me see my options and make a decision.

I realized that I could afford 2 nights at the hotel on my own, it was only an extra $60 or so. Once I came to that conclusion I called the people back to let them know I would take the room on my own. It went to voice mail though. But no biggie. I just told them to call me when they arrived so we could put the room on my credit card.

So while I was waiting for them, I went to Rita Seagrave’s Domination for Non-alphas. Let me just plug that for a moment- very fun class. And if you’re not familiar with Rita, let me just gush about how freaking hot she is. I already have a thing for red headed girls. But the whole class I couldn’t stop staring at her ass, lol. And when she’d sit on the table her skirt would ride up a little bit and the tops of her stocking would show. *Groan* Plus I just really like her presence. She’d come near by to hear someone’s question and it was just a nice vibe having her in the vicinity. So yeah.

Ok then, back to the rant. At the tail end of class, the people called me, but I let it go to voice mail since there were only 5 more minutes left.

When I heard the message in a few minutes I learned that they had given my room away because they thought I hadn’t gotten back to them. I dropped the phone and started crying again. Because here I was in DC without a room.

Jocasta took over for me and found Tilda and asked if I could room with her since she was by herself and thankfully she said yes.

Meanwhile I listened to the end of the message.

What a fucking fuck tard. I don’t even know who the person was, but what a serious asshole. Apparently having a place to stay just “wasn’t in the cards” and that being contagious wasn’t fair to everyone else.

All this just after telling me I no longer had a place to stay.

Man they were fucking lucky I’m actually a very non-confrontational person. As much as I bitch and moan here, the meanest thing I’ll do to someone in person is just give them the evil eye. And you best believe I gave that woman the evil eye every time I saw her.

After that whole ordeal I headed straight to the bar and sucked down 2 gin and tonics. I don’t usually turning to substances to relieve problems, but it was really the only way to save the night. Alcohol makes me happy. I mean that it makes me giggly and silly, so yeah, it helped. It was also fun sitting with Lynsey and Tilda and make up a funny story about this sullen looking family sitting in the lobby.

We surmised the daughter found the father’s porn (gay porn actually) and the mother just found out.

Thankfully the rest of Friday went well. A good time was had by all in the dungeon and it was a fairly early night, heading to bed at 1.

Saturday was good during the day.  Went to some classes which I think I’ll talk about briefly.  I enjoyed another one of Sarah Sloane’s classes.  I went to a class on humiliation at summer camp and this time I went to her Driven to Tears: Playing on the Edge class.  It was a lot to do with like cathartic play or ordeal path.  Damn if I didn’t start jonesing for a cathartic play scene.  Still am.  And I will probably ask for one soon, but I think first I need to do some processing on my own.

After that I went to Barbara Carellas’s Erotic Breathwork class which I had really been looking forward to because I had wanted to go when she did it a CV in the fall, but I ended up being late and couldn’t go because of certain things going wrong.  Unfortunately it wasn’t a good weekend for me- I was just too blocked.  So it didn’t have an effect on me, but I’ll file away what I learned and hopefully can put it to use in the future.

After we had a nice lunch with Me, Jocasta, Desire, and Prince (a super great guy I met at camp) and a fun sitz bath social too back at my room (long story I’ll tell if I’m told it’s ok).   I also got to buzz Desire’s hair into a mohawk- which looks super cute and she decided it’s subtle enough she can probably get away with it at work so she’ll keep it!

I missed the petting zoo because I went to the last class of the day, Dossie Easton’s Bottomless Pits: Topping serious pain sluts.  What a great class.  I’d never heard Dossie speak before, but wow, what a great presenter.  I’m definitely going to make a point to attend more of her classes in the future.  Poor Jocasta was exhausted and fell asleep a bit (even snoring a little, lol).

I started jonesing again this time for a heavy intense scene.  I consider myself somewhat of a bottomless pit (though some days there is a bottom), but I’ve never really had the opportunity to really test my endurance.  Dossie mentioned a relay scene (meaning there were a few tops there) that lasted for over 7 hours!  7 hours of being beat up.  That’s for sure the forever place she mentions.  Someday I’ll have to plan a huge block of time where I can try going there (maybe not 7 hours, but a couple hours at least).

Then demoed on Barbara caning her and spanking her.  Turns out I’m not the only one who laughs when they’re getting hit!  It was a really fun scene to watch though.  But man if I didn’t want a serious beating myself.

I was exhausted at that point and retreated to my room to try and nap so I could function better that evening.  I sort of slept- for a few minutes.   But I ended up getting hysterical again.  Exhaustion pushes me over the edge very easily.

Here I’m going to get very raw and very honest- the one thing people constantly praise my blog for.

I was in an intense amount of emotional agony.  The distress from Thursday and Friday just bubbled up and I couldn’t push it aside.  I started crying and as I started to cry harder I told myself that it was ok to cry and that I should just let it out and then I would feel better.  Except I wasn’t really feeing better.  I just kept crying.  And I was getting more and more anxious.  I couldn’t sit still and started to walk around the room, needing to do something with myself.

I wanted to cut.  I wanted to see my blood- I knew that would help calm and sedate me.  But I didn’t have any razors and I’m very particular about how I cut.  Plus, I mean, I didn’t really want to resort to that in the middle of Winter Fire.

So I grabbed for the next best thing- my left over Percocets.  I broke it in half (after a classmate mentioned this) so it would hit me faster.  And I swallowed my tears and let myself be numb.

Being numb isn’t good, but sometimes you need to do it for a little bit to just function.

At this point most people were at the banquet and a bunch of the sex bloggers that didn’t go to the banquet went out for Chinese, but I knew Match wasn’t at either so I texted him to see what he was up to.  He was about to grab a bite with 2 of his female friends and invited me.  Finally calmed down, I dressed and went to be social.

I’d go nuts if I stayed in that room any longer.

We just grabbed a bite at the hotel restaurant, but it was fun.  I like the 2 girls so it’s good.  The one also brought a cute little submissive boy who was actually kinda cool.  One of the coolest 19 year old boys I’ve been around in a long time.

Desire met me in Match’s room after she got out of the banquet and we grabbed our candy to do our scene.

We found a nice open space in the dungeon and I laid down one of those mess pads so we didn’t get candy all in the rug.  We went all out for this.  We’d thought of everything.  We had a candy necklace to bind Desire’s hands.  A big pacifier as a sort of gag.  Big round lollipops to spank with.  A long slender swizzle lollipop to fuck with.  A huge jawbreaker to kinda punch with.  We had a lot of fun and even got pictures taken by Hypnox, the event photographer.  It was definitely awesome pouring pixi stix powder on her and licking it off.

I wasn’t the only one who thought that too.  Prince was near by watching with a new friend of his, Christian- a totally hot FTM guy, and I had invited them to eat some sugar off her, but they did it gangster style sucking it up through a rolled up bill.

And then Christian asked if Desire would mind if he did a line off her back.  She didn’t so after showering off, we met him and Prince back at Christian’s room.  We crowded into the bathroom because roommates were around.  Desire took her shirt off and leaned over as Christian started to pour a line.  He asked me if I wanted.

And I debated whether or not to tell this story, but I am, so here it goes.

Yeah, I did want.  I’d never done it before, but I wanted to try it.  So he cut me a little line and showed me what to do and I did my thing and was kinda surprised that it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.  I did one more line a little bit later before we all went up to Match’s orgy and I was happy that I was now more awake.

My thoughts on the drug?  It was good.  It wasn’t so amazing that I feel a need to rush out and start doing it on my own, but I’ll probably do it the next time it’s around (which probably won’t be for another 2 years because that was the last time I was around it).

Match’s orgy was of course awesome.  There were so many people and there was so much fucking and action.  Match and I fooled around a bit when I first got there which was nice.  And I got to kiss a bit with this girl Flouer that was staying with him.  Squee.

The hottest thing though was watching Prince and Christian go at it.  It was so mother fucking hot.  They were all over each other and then Christian got his strap-on and was fucking Prince and it so awesome.  Prince was spewing out Spanish and shit.

I started really fading at 4am though (so early, I know!) and had to get to bed.  Though I lost my key and had to get let back into my room (as I was traipsing through the lobby in my lingerie- whoops).

Sunday morning I was ready to go home.  I just woke up and was ready to go.  But I had 1 more class that I had to attend.  The Jealousy in Poly Relationships class.  But it wasn’t until the last one of the day unfortunately.

First I went to a Kinky Barbershop class which was really fun.  (Anyone willing to let me learn how to use a straight razor on them??  Lol.)

And then it was finally time for the class.  In hindsight, I don’t know why I didn’t bring tissues with me.

I think I’ll write about what happened in the class in a separate post because that’s just a whole ‘nother issue.  But I will say it was really great to be able to share my story with other poly people who can understand what’s happening and not judge my relationship choices.

After the class I packed my stuff up and headed home.

Now I’m exhausted because even though I purposefully skipped my 8:30 class I was still woken up by my roommate at 8am (who by the way is still laying in bed with her boyfriend).  This roommate situation is really getting to me.

So there was my weekend.

It wasn’t the magical time I had at camp- not by a long shot.

But thank God for my friends.  I don’t know what I would have done without you guys.  I love you!

Skin on Skin

I have so much to write about- there are at least 7 stories I have jotted down that I want to tell. Canings, fistings, dates. And then more randomness I want to write.

But where do I end up starting? With more recent events as it so happens.

It’s because of his skin. Jefferson’s skin- it’s so intoxicating to me. As soon as I feel his skin against mine, my head swoons and I can feel my muscles instantly relax, the blood rushing to the surface. My skin tingles and every brush of his fingertips or nibble and bite rushes through me like a zing of electricity.

I hadn’t seen him, or any of my friends for that matter, for weeks because of how much school work I had to do. The first thing I thought when we got naked was how much I missed his skin. And damn we fucked so good that day. I came half a dozen or so times.

I asked him for a back massage as it was so tight from all the work I’d been doing: spending hours in the dark room or hunched over my desk painting precise lines. God that massage was quite delicious. “I’m going to give you such a good blow job after this,” I said in the middle of my bliss. He just laughed.

But I wasn’t kidding. I’d been wanting cock in my mouth for almost 2 weeks at that point. And I sucked it like it was the last time I’d ever get to suck cock. And Jefferson came hard; so hard. God I love that.

He calls me his orgasm cookie, you know. It’s a name he came up with awhile ago, because Jefferson doesn’t generally end up coming a lot, yet he usually does with me. I have good timing I guess.

Then he took me to lunch and fed me (thanks naked Australian girls!). He almost played match maker, wanting to pair the little old ladies on our left with the little old men on our right. It would have been quite a coupling- so many walkers!

It had only been a few days the next time I saw him, but I missed his skin no less. I had to stop myself from devouring it.

“I love you so much,” I whispered as I kissed him gently.
“You’re so good to me, baby,” he replied moving his mouth to mine.

Soon he was rock hard and fucking me. He held me close and I buried my nose in his neck inhaling his scent. Mmm, coffee. It was gentle and sweet, the way we make love. I was slightly distracted by something on my mind, so wasn’t too concerned with chasing my orgasm at first. I just wanted Jefferson close to me. He went to push up on his arms to get a different angle and I suddenly clutched him, “Don’t leave me,” running through my head. It surprised me but I brushed it aside. Jefferson’s cock had found my g-spot, so I had a new distraction.

I was noisy as I came a few times like this before pulling him to me to kiss. We fucked slowly some more before taking a cuddle break. We talked about our plans for the rest of the day- a caning, a blow job and lunch.

Before the caning, we just had to fuck some more. He had me turn over and he fucked me briefly as he smeared some lube on my ass. I moaned into the bed as he pushed into my ass and started thrusting. It took me a few minutes to adjust, but once I had, I quickly moved toward orgasm. I moved my hand between my legs and rubbed my clit quickly, bringing myself to exquisite pleasure. That’s pretty hokey, but damn it was good.

“That was fun, I wanna do that again!” I thought to myself. (No lie!)

“What was that?” he asked me.
“What do you mean ‘what was that?’”
“Did you just come from having your ass fucked? Such a slut.”

Mmm. And then I came again, rubbing my clit even harder than before. And then I kicked him off me, having reached my limit. I was face down on the bed as I heard him change condoms but moved right back into kneeling position as I saw him roll the new condom on.

“Good girl,” he said pushing into me.

My hands gripped the sheets as he fucked me hard, hitting against my g-spot over and over again making me cum countless times. When I was sticky puddle of goo, he pulled out to fetch his cane.

But there was something else I wanted.

“Fist me?” I asked him. “If we can.”
“Oh there’s no if.”

He squirted some lube in his hand and with a few fingers went straight for my g-spot. Motherfuck it was good. I was instantly wailing as he rubbed it hard and fast. I nearly lost it as he added his thumb to my clit. All of a sudden he pulled his hand out and dumped a bunch of goo from his hand onto my chest. I thought it was lube, but nuh uh, that came from me Jefferson said! I squirted and didn’t even know it. (A little anticlimactic for me, lol.)

He put his fingers back into me and added more until he had all five in up to the knuckles. I breathed hard, concentrating on relaxing and opening up as much as possible for him. I felt Jefferson push his hand in further and I started to scream as his hand made it’s way fully inside me. I’m sure the neighbors heard me. I covered my mouth as I continued to scream into it as my pussy spasmed around his cock, getting used to the intrusion. It eventually relaxed and I told to Jefferson to move his hand some, but damn my cervix kept getting in the way.

It was so intense having Jefferson in me like that. I loved it. I opened my eyes every so often to stay connected with him. He came in to give me a kiss, but it put us at an awkward angle. Eventually it was the right time for him to pull out. Coming out hurt a bunch less than going in, lol.

He came to me and kissed me deep and started to fuck me again. He held me firmly as I came a few more times.

I eventually made him stop because I had to pee. When I came back from the bathroom his cane was out and ready. I laid face down at the foot of the bed and he started with the light tapping that just sends me into my happy place. He mixed in a few stingy swats as I started to warm up. Soon there was a succession of hard snaps on my ass making me moan and writhe on the bed. As they got harder, I reached for Jefferson’s leg and wrapped my arm around it. He rubbed my hair as he landed his hardest strike making me yelp and jump.

He walked around the bed tapping me at a different angle before grabbing a pillow and dropping it in front of the chair he sat in. I got up and kneeled before him, pressing my face into his chest briefly before kissing my way down to his cock. I sucked him hard and deep making him cum in my mouth in a short amount of time.

“I like the pigtails, by the way,” Jefferson told me at one point that day.
“Thanks, Lolita liked them like that, so I thought I’d do it again.”
“Oh, are you seeing her later?”
“No, she just likes them.”

As we ate our roast duck over lunch, I said to Jefferson, “Did I ever tell you about the time I spent Christmas in Paris?”
“No, you didn’t!”
“Oh, well, I spent Christmas in Paris my freshman year of high school and we had duck for dinner. So then, did I tell you the time a fireman kissed me in Paris?”
“No, but please tell me you have pigtails in this story,” he smiled, teasing me.

We parted outside the restaurant, kissing and hugging each other goodbye for the last time this year.

Oh..oh…oh! My orgasm- A User’s Guide.

I decided to take a moment to talk about my orgasm, which actually wasn’t even on my long list of considerations of what to write about next.

Why am I writing about my orgasm? Well, for one, it’s awesome. Not just for me either. But it’s awesome for other people too. People get off on me cuming, which gets me off, and there we just have a delicious cycle.

Also because maybe readers might be curious what it’s really like. I write about how I cum loud and hard and such, but, really, what does that mean?

(It’s also a slight refresher course for any of my lovers who may or may not know what it looks like when I’m cuming.)

Let’s start with the build up. Everything up until the big moment.

I like foreplay. Because I need to warm up before I can cum, in a purely physiological sense. Literally, I need to get the blood pumping down there. This is the state of arousal. I start to get hot, and I would assume I get flush (though I couldn’t accurately say). If I’m enjoying it, my breathing will increase, my face will be relaxed (eyes closed often) and I’ll probably be moaning in some way.

The closer to orgasm, the louder I get. If I’m kinda quiet, I’m either just far away (like we just started, or I just came and we’re starting again), or we’re fucking (or doing whatever) at a low intensity. As long as I’m not grimacing, it’s all good.

An exception to the quiet rule is if I’m being all loud and we’re really hot and heavy and all of a sudden I go silent.  What’s happening is I’m holding my breath because I’m right there and sometimes I need to concentrate to get over the edge. If this happens- DO NOT STOP. Fuck me harder if you can.

Aside from sound, which is really the biggest indication of my impending orgasm (and the orgasm for that matter), there are some physical signs you can look for: curling toes. Like seriously. I get cramps in them sometimes because I’ll scrunch them so tight.

Stiffer muscles as I start to tense up.

If you’re in me, you may feel me clamp down. Contrary to popular belief, this initial clamping isn’t the actual event. It’s a precursor.

Depending on my mood I may or may not rub my clit. Don’t rely on this as a sign though. Sometimes I do it just cause it feels nice. Hehe.

I may or may not sweat as well. I don’t usually.

But here we are, I’m moaning, my skin is flush, I’m breathing heavy, my hands are gripping the sheets as I tense up, and I probably have a look of concentration on my face as I’m reaching for it- I’m right fucking there.

And here is a important piece of advice for you- do not stop what ever it is you are doing. Do not change anything about it. I hesitate to advise going faster/harder. The change of rhythm can sometimes fuck it up. But you could: pinch my nipples, squeeze my neck, slap me, pull my hair (if the moment inspires such actions). But only do it if you don’t have to change anything! Don’t change the speed, don’t change the angle- nothing!

And all of this brings us to the big moment. What we’ve been waiting the past possible 5-15 minutes for.  My orgasm

What it looks like?  A change in my vocals. It’s often louder, but it’s also slightly different, something picked up on with repetition. But it’s usually a mixture of more gutteral sounds (groans) as well as higher pitched moans. Expletives might make their way out as well (Fuck and God are the main ones).

And now is when I’ll really start to squirm. I like to arch my back. It’s like muscle memory for me. If I can’t arch my back properly, my orgasm isn’t always quite as satisfying (one reason I prefer not to cum when I’m standing).

I’ll either clutch at the bed or you, which ever is with in reach. I apologize if my nails dig into you.

If you’re in me, you may feel me clench down harder, and in a sort of pulsating way. Bingo, that’s the spot.

Here’s another tip- if you can, for the love of God, keep going! Unless I’m kicking you off, it would be wise for you to continue what ever delicious thing it is you’re doing to me. For one, you’re less likely to stunt my orgasm. Instead you can prolong it! And, if you keep going long enough, you can get me to cum again!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am known to be quite multi-orgasmic.

Let me bring up the g-spot clause at this point- things work slightly different when we’re dealing with my g-spot. The time line is more condensed and the signs are generally more intense.

Probably the number one key point to know is g-spot=loud. Plain and simple. From the first moment your finger or dick or whatever hits it, I’m going to be letting you know just how much I’m enjoying it (hint: it’s a lot!). With g-spot stimulation, it could take as little as 5 minutes to get me to orgasm. Hot, right?

Another key point is to absolutely keep going. It’s more of a necessity than a suggestion, here, as opposed to non g-spot play.  I’m likely to be a little bummed if you stop after the first one.

A second clause to consider is the fisting clause. Because that’s happening a lot more for me these days. Yay!

When you’re fist is fully in me (and this is easier for girls, or smaller handed people in general), I may tell you to twist it to hit my g-spot. This is just the ultimate of ecstasy for me. All that is needed is a gentle “knocking” motion and you’re really good to go. I’m probably going to be pretty vocal through this. Maybe a little quiet in the beginning as I adjust to the feeling, but after that it’s advisable to keep a pillow near by. Just in case. Because it’s quite likely I’m going to scream as I cum. And I mean that in the purest sense of the word.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If I’m face down, I usually aim to scream into the bed. But if I’m face up, I might need a little assistance. A hand works well usually. So, if disturbing neighbors is a concern, take note!

It’s important that you follow any direction I give you during fisting.  Generally, that big screaming orgasm is all I can do, so I’m probably going to want to hop off your hand when I’m done.  If I’m saying let’s keep going though, and I haven’t crushed your hand (sorry Wendy!), by all means, keep going!

The third clause to take note of is the anal orgasm clause.

Chances are high that I’ll be fingering my clit to get me off.

Chances are even better that once I cum, I’m gonna want you out of my ass.

There you are, folks.  A user’s guide to my orgasm.  Use it to your (and ultimately mine) advantage!