He’s Not Who He Says He Is
And he’s not who we think he is either.
Raise your hand if this whole debate over Jefferson’s custody battle is making your head spin and making you extremely exhausted.
*Raising my hand*
Now raise your hand if you wish you could blink your eyes to transport back to a time when none of this was happening.
*Raising my hand more enthusiastically*
Why do I speak out? Why are any of us speaking out? Why now? Well, to be fair, I’ve never been completely deluded about Jefferson and have written about my frustrations with him from quite early on. I speak out because I have a kernel of truth about him and I think it needs to be shared. I speak out because I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind. And perhaps it’s on your mind, too.
I’m not completely innocent of painting this picturesque vision of the “Great Jefferson.” There were stretches of time where I was happy to live in the romantic, yet fictional world that being with Jefferson was just swell and it was all a dream come true. And then there were times where I’d snap the fuck out of that daze and say hold on a minute, why I’m in such a fucked up relationship with such a fucked up man?
It’s really hard on your self esteem when you realize you’ve fallen in love and given so much of yourself to a mirage. (And for the record, this is the 2nd false person I’ve fallen in love with. *Headdesk*)
It’s hard to stand here now and look at last fall when I was so immeasurably happy both with Jefferson and life and friends in general.
But it’s a lot easier knowing I can look forward and know that he and all of this is behind me.
Jefferson has some major flaws that we’ve all looked past because he’s charming, he tells you what you want to hear, and because he gives you orgasms. Perhaps there is a genuinely caring human being somewhere in there, but it’s too shrouded in lies, secrecy, and harmful behavior to really be able to tell anymore.
Those of us who were friends and or lovers with Jefferson are getting a bad rap by some- they’re scolding us for kicking a man when’s down. And I can’t speak for all the ladies (not bitches) but for me it’s been extremely difficult to watch someone I love(d) going down this path which, in hindsight seems quite inevitable.
Isn’t it great that hindsight is 20/20?
I was there by his side loving him with everything in me because he made me believe he loved me too. He told me, over and over again that he loved me and wanted to be with me. So tell, me, how should I have known better? How could I really have expected just because he was the Great Jefferson and blogged such a decadent lifestyle that meant he really didn’t love me?
Maybe that’s something that comes with age. But pardon me for not wanting to grow up too fast.
And then there’s everyone that’s asking why now? Why haven’t we said anything earlier? Both in public, or in private to Jefferson?
Tell me, have you ever tried to talk to an alcoholic about his drinking? If you have, then you must know what countless women have faced over the years.
And as my longtime readers know, I am one of the few bloggers that have spoken up about Jefferson’s unethical and unfair treatment of the women he dates. And now others are chiming in with the same stories.
I told ya so.
I broke up with Jefferson for the 3rd and final time in June and wanted nothing more than to be rid of all things Jefferson. And that hasn’t changed. Because I’ve uncovered more lies than even I would have ever expected and it’s made me hate the man I love that much more.
I spoke out earlier this week because I’m appalled by the “Friends of Jefferson” campaign and how it’s trying to promote Jefferson’s cause.
All I have to say anymore on the subject is that it’s just not our battle to fight. This is a fight between Jefferson and his ex-wife. She’s been wanting to take custody away from him since day 1 of their separation and this was absolutely inevitable. Lucy was just lucky to stumble across the evidence she wanted to make a case against him. So no, this is not the sex positve people’s fight. It’s not the writers’ fight. It’s Jefferson’s fight against Lucy. Plain and simple.
Someone said to me I should watch out for my karma because of how I feel about Jefferson’s situation. I’d like to just point out that while Jefferson cries about the cruelty and disdain his (former) friends are treating him with, perhaps it’s his own karma coming back threefold.
By Nadia, August 10, 2008 @ 11:18 am
I’ve blogged many times about my experience with Jefferson, an experience people would not listen to for three years now. http://www.kinkylibrarian.net/index.php/2008/06/20/the-negative-side-of-sex/ I’ve rarely named him as the man who assaulted me, but finally people are speaking up about his alcoholism and the fucked up things he’s done. I feel so much better now than I have in 3+ years.
By Someone, August 15, 2008 @ 3:59 am
Honestly, I met Jefferson for a drink a little over a year ago (and he paid!) and considered fucking him. We even set up tentative dates a few times but something just didn’t feel right about the whole thing. And I also read your blog and about your feelings toward him during one of your break ups and it was a lot of what gave me pause. So, thanks for saying what you did. Because now that this shit is out, man am I happy that I didn’t get involved with him any further.