Designing Intimacy

I <3 Kink

I’m starting to wonder if maybe I like kink just a tiny bit more than sex.

I’m happier to get beaten up without getting fucked then I am to have sex and not get beaten up (at least on a regular basis).

Plus- an orgy with no kink? Meh.

An event, like Dark Odyssey without kink? I’d rather save my money!

I would seriously rather not have sex at Winter Fire then not get beaten up (or beat someone else up as was my mood at camp). Sex I can get anywhere. That’s easy.

But kink? That’s much harder to come by for me. On a good month I may have played twice. And that’s a good month!

A good month of sex is 4 or 5 dates!

Quite disproportionate.

And yet, it’s not as if I don’t fuck guys who are kinky! My circle of friends and playmates is really becoming almost entirely kinky in some form or another.

Ahhh…that’s bliss.

Maybe it’s so disproportionate because I’m slightly picky about who I’ll let top me- and it what kind of ways.

I’m certainly a snob for skill. Skill is way sexy.

Chemistry most definitely plays a factor.

Harry didn’t make the cut because he lacked skill, couldn’t provide the aftercare I needed, and just in general said stupid stuff.

As nice as Denzel is, I don’t actually feel any sexual chemistry between us.

And there are some who I have chemistry with- just not a top/bottom kind of chemistry.

This kind of stuff can get complicated.

Perhaps maybe things are even more complicated by the kind of bottom I’m becoming. I play a lot harder than I did 2 years ago. And I’m only continuing further on that path.

If you had told me a year ago that I would be into piss play and humiliation and even service I would have laughed so hard at you! I would’ve thought you’d lost your mind if you ever even suggested I might try anything that draws blood.

Now, name most things I haven’t done or are slightly scared of I just say to give me some time. Because it really is only a matter of time.

I’m in no rush, and I have no goals about what I want to become.

I’ve already gotten a reputation of being hardcore by some, but I look at others I consider heavy players and even fathom that I’m in the same league as them.

I guess it’s all a matter of perception. The person who deemed me hardcore was fairly vanilla himself.

I think maybe even though I don’t have concrete goals about how I see my path continuing, I do sort of want to be known as heavy player. And not because it’s cool or because it’s better- but it’s because that’s how I see myself playing.

Anytime someone even mentions the word “sensuous,” I turn in the other direction. I don’t want a sensuous top. I don’t want a sensuous scene. I want to be hit, and I want to be hit hard, and I want it until I can’t take it anymore.

Am I being clear enough?

I hope so.

Tags: BDSM, Dark Odyssey, dominance, Ds, kink, Random musings, submission, thoughts