Life, Love, Sex

The Feelings Post- Part 1 “The Luckiest Girl”

I did some pretty awesome things this weekend (see Highlights Post) but I also experienced some amazing emotions this weekend as well.

Wendy said it already, but I feel exactly the same way, that camp was, without a doubt, the most amazing experience of my entire life to date (probably only to be matched with getting married and possibly having kids). Really, I feel like this was just a life-altering kind of thing.

My only complaint was that there just wasn’t enough time! I’m for sure going to try and get to camp Wednesday or Thursday next year.

So many thoughts run through my head when I think about this weekend (so forgive me if this post is so scrambled- it’s just pure emotion that I need to get down).

My first thought is that I feel so incredibly lucky (I’m going to need a thesaurus so I don’t keep saying awesome and amazing and incredible all the time!). Lucky on different levels. I’m 21 years old, and I’ve been “kinky” since I was 18- pretty much as soon as I graduated high school. That I knew who I was so early on and was comfortable enough to explore it is pretty darn fantastic. My sexuality has grown and matured so much in the past 4 years and it was so special to see the culmination of it all at sex camp. And Lord knows I’m not done either.

I felt so at home when I was at camp (and same at Floating World and going to my first TES class and first time at Paddles). I’m surrounded by people like me who I know how to relate to. And I’m completely free to be myself.

I also feel really lucky that I’ve been able to experience these things with great friends that care about me as well as make awesome new friends. At Floating World, I made friends and instantly connected with Jocasta and her girlfriend Zelda and was able to have more fun with them at camp.

Then after spending the summer connecting and chatting with Wendy online, we finally got to hang out and have delicious fun together!

And it’s impossible to not write about Jefferson when writing about camp (as you can tell from reading some of my highlights). Especially since he plays a small role in contributing to the amazingness of camp.

Now that I’ve brought him up, I suppose I’ll have to go off on a little tangent:

There are things I haven’t written here about him and I, both because I wasn’t writing in general and also because I was keeping it to myself. Jefferson and I have reconciled over the summer to the point of being friends. And over the weekend it was just glaringly obvious how great breaking up with was for me, and even for us. I mean, I already knew it, but it was just so strongly reinforced at camp.

I’ve felt so much more free. And not just in the sense that my emotions are no longer all wrapped up in him or that I feel more open to seeing other people- but I feel freer (is that how you spell it?) to accept things in. I was really able to let in the caring and warmth of all the people I met at camp and really connect with them, and I’ve also just really been able to accept Jefferson’s love for me. After everything, he still loves me, and I finally believe it. I can finally feel it without him even having to say it. Of course it’s still nice to hear, but even if he never said it again, I would still know because of the way he looks at me and the way he talks to me.

I’m sure reading that, there are some people rolling there eyes and thinking, “Here we go again.” But to those people I would tell them to re-read the preceding paragraphs about how I think breaking up was the greatest thing for us and how we’re just friends.

So to wrap up the tangent, and bring it back to the topic of feeling lucky- it was pretty special getting to share some sweet and tender (and hot!) moments with Jefferson as well.

And that’s just about the people I’m already friends with.

It’s an added bonus to make great new friends like Viviane, Selina, Match, Marcus, Desire, and Hunter. (Desire was this sweet (and totally adorable) girl in our cabin that we all fell in love with.) Really, that was just the best cabin ever.

There’s more to say- tons more to say.

But next post.

I’m back in the real world, and I have things to do! Like shower and shave my legs before my date to tie up and fuck a pretty girl tomorrow! Hehe!