Lost Daughter
I think I was about 10 when my dad met my step-mom. She was really cool at first when they were dating. We’d do craft projects together and she’d make all this really yummy food I’d never had before (not to mention her banging chocolate chip cookies, which are still the best in the world).
And then they got married and I became a teenager and we’d really butt heads.
It wasn’t until I got to college and I got a job working at a store where she was a manager that we really started to develop a relationship. She became more motherly with me like bringing dinner for me from home (since I was living in the dorms). And although we often seemed to have differing opinions when I was younger, she eventually became my biggest supporter on that side of the family. When my sisters were making fun of me for being Jewish, she was shaming my mom and dad for not raising me with a religion (as I wished I had been). When my dad was criticizing me for changing my major yet again, she was hopeful I’d found something I loved to inspire me.
Last mother’s day I gave her flowers and a card (I’d never really gotten her anything before) and I wrote something really beautiful about how I was glad she was a part of the family and she was the only normal one, or something along those lines. I forget, but she couldn’t finish reading it because she didn’t want to cry.
When I first started fighting with my dad in September, I felt bad about not having contact with her because I wasn’t mad at her. But when I went to their house at Christmas, she seemed kind of cold and distant, so I thougt she was mad at me for fighting with my dad (she’s been mad at my sisters for their fights before).
But it turns out, she really misses me. My mom had called over to my dad’s for whatever reason and my step-mom said that she really misses me; that she feels like she’s lost a daughter. She knows my dad is stubborn, and that so am I, but that she and I could talk and still have a relationship, and not even tell my dad! I almost cried when my mom told me that! I had no idea she felt that way.
It’s hard for me sometimes because I’m so, so incredibly close with my mom to accept someone else as another mother figure. And for so many years my step-mom was more like my dad’s wife to me. I don’t know if I’ve actually told her I love her. Cause I guess I do. I mean, yeah, of course I do.
It makes me really happy though that she said that. I don’t really want to call though and risk getting my dad (though, speaking of I should finally expect a response to my letter some time soon). I may take a trip to her work and give her a big hug.
By Horatio, June 17, 2007 @ 12:48 am
Sometimes,
And it does not happen often…
So relish the event.
Sometimes people just…. care.
Those people are your guideposts. Regardless of where you may stray… they will always be there for you.
By anon, June 17, 2007 @ 9:18 am
This is a really beautiful post. It’s wonderful that you were able to establish that kind of relationship with her eventually. I hope you can maintain it no matter what happens with your dad. It makes sense that she was missing you. She probably seemed cold to you because she didn’t know how to act around you.
Can you maybe email her? Then you don’t have to worry about your dad answering the phone. You could also just write her a letter or send her a card. I think it’s important to keep these kinds of relationships.